On Thursday I finally have this stupid evaluation my statutory health insurance forces me to attend. I start shaking every time I think about it and as it has been that way for weeks now I’ll be so glad when it’s finally over. I just called the doctor in order to ask if I need to take anything special with me. Interestingly he answered the phone himself, not an assistant as I was expecting. His answers were pretty curt but not unfriendly. I had hoped I would be less nervous after the call but I’m still the same. And it upsets me that I’m so nervous – after all, the worst thing that can happen is that the insurance tells me I won’t get any refund anymore which would make therapy even more expensive for me but it’s not like I’m not used to spending a lot of money on it anyway. They can’t keep me from seeing my therapist so I really don’t know what I’m so fucking scared of. Anyway, just a few more days, one more person I’ll have to tell about the stupid things my head is doing and perhaps a ton of paperwork more about my mental state…how very pleasant -_-


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