One year of therapy

Unbelievable but true – I have been working with my therapist for slightly more than a year now and with each day I am more gratefeul to have her. This is just a little brainstorming about what has happened in that time:

  • I trust my therapist. I have often imagined what it would be like to have a therapist whom I could tell anything, where I didn’t have to wonder if it is okay but simply know that everything can be discussed and it is possible to find solutions together, no matter what – I just never thought that I would ever get there and be able to speak and not be disappointed.
  • For the first time in my life I can say that I’m not giving more than I am able to – there have always been schools, people, jobs or other circumstances that were too demanding. It’s not like that anymore. Finally I have time and energy for my own needs.
  • I can understand where my problems are coming from. Ten years ago I thought that the things that were happening to me couldn’t be talked about, that I was alone with this and nobody could understand my worries. Today I can see that there are many others dealing with the same stuff – and that this means that things that help have been invented.
  • I perceive many of my symptoms as something that can be influenced. The things that make me feel totally helpless are getting less thanks to skills, all kinds of exercises and the ability to recognize warning signs. I used to think I could never trust myself – this is slowly changing.
  • And that leads to my seeing myself as one whole person. I don’t change my behaviour that much anymore depending on whom I’m with, I don’t doubt my preferences and the things I can do (or can’t, after all). This makes it easier to cope with changing situations and adjusting when there’s a transition from being alone to being in company (used to be a huge problem).

When I see what has happened within a year I can vaguely imagine the person that will step out of my therapist’s office after many more months. The gratefulness I feel is hard to describe – apart from the fact that many people don’t even get a chance to have therapy it is by far not self-evident for it to work that well when it finally happens. And before I can type and delete the following sentence five more times I’ll just publish this post: I am a little proud of myself 🙂

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