Letter and help and progress

Little update as I was so terribly agitated yesterday:

  • I didn’t manage to call statutory health insurance. Each time the wait loop started telling me how everyone there was eager to support my health I started hyperventilating and hung up.
  • What I did manage though was asking my therapist for help outside of a session. That would have been totally impossible a few months ago. She inquired but couldn’t do much for the time being but she was there and that was so good to know.
  • Additionally I managed typing yesterday’s post. And you all have been wonderful. Nobody told me that I was weak or should get my shit together – quite the opposite! Within the first two hours, one email after another arrived full of nice words, understanding and digital hugs which is all I could accept right now. Thanks, just thanks!
  • And just because you’ve all been there and I managed asking for help I could get through the night without self-harm. Never, never, never would that have been possible some time ago, never! But today it is and that shows me that there is progress. That things can change. And although I still can’t read the letter without shaking and thinking the world is going to end I am…calm apart from that. Because I know that there are people who will reach out to me without crushing me. Gratefulness is such a nice feeling.

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