First things first: I love my job. I love my tasks because they are quite varied, I love my team because it consists of colourful and open-minded people and I love the purpose our work has because I believe in it.
Nevertheless it’s a 40-hour week and nevertheless I notice how I can’t handle as much as a person who doesn’t do therapy additionally. At this point I’m working Monday to Friday at usual office hours and until I started therapy that was quite alright. But since November I’ve noticed how my power reserves have been shrinking. The fact that I can see my therapist on Saturdays takes a lot of pressure off me because I don’t have to work when I’m exhausted after therapy but it still feels like a six-day week.
Now, there is a very loud voice inside my head: You are a wuss. Others work 60 hours a week, have five different hobbies and an intact social life. These are first world problems. You have to handle this. You have no right to whine. You are in no position to make demands.
But guess what happened: I told the voice to please shut the fuck up…and then asked my superior whether I could work a little less. The reaction I was scared of (namely that I would be judged as unmotivated and ungrateful) didn’t simply not happen. My boss was really wonderful. Sie thanked – thanked – me! Because she thinks it’s resposible of me to come and talk to her before a longer sick leave could become necessary. And she said we would find a way.
In plain terms that means: From October on I’ll have every Wednesday off. A whole day just for myself! And in order to really use it well I’ve already made a plan with my therapist: The morning belongs just to me and I can use it for anything that’s good for me – be it cappuccino in the sun or yoga or simply sleeping in. The morning will be blocked for anything I don’t enjoy. And the afternoon can be used for everything that stresses me now besides work or simply doesn’t get done: Repairs in the flat, doctor’s appointments, buying new socks and so on. And in the Wednesday evenings I have dance class anyway – at which I’ll arrive well-rested from now on and not completely rushed after a long day at the office.
The voice I’ve mentioned above still wants to be heard by the way – right now it’s telling me that I’m definitely going to starve due to the reduced salary – but I know it’s not right and I can’t do anything but feel glad. Glad to have my wonderful superior, my team that supports me and above all to finally have more time and energy for the things that are important to me: My partner, my friends, my cat, my flat and my hobbies.
Sending you lots of positive energy!