She wrote (I’ll try to translate): “…And yes, it is a huge success that you have lasted this long and an even huger one that you aren’t mad at yourself. Because there is no reason to as the counter doesn’t actually read zero. Imagine days where you self-harm as little stones that you carry around in a bag and for every day you’ve lived without self-harm you can put aside one of them. The bag has been getting lighter since November. And now you had a relapse so you put one stone back into the bag. But only ONE. What is that compared to all the stones you have put aside already? What you have achieved is not worth less than before just because one stone has been added again. You don’t start from zero. You keep going. And it will get easier as time goes by…”
I think this image is beautiful and I will alter it a little in order to celebrate my successes. My plan is to dig out the huge box of colourful beads that has gone unnoticed since my handicraft-phase a few years ago and to string one bead at a time for every day I stay “clean”. That way I can (hopefully) watch the string of beads grow day by day and enjoy it. And when a relapse happens I can see exactly what Elín described in her comment: That I don’t start at zero and that I have achieved a lot already.
It is really wonderful to have readers like that – thank you thank you thank you!