I’m sitting in the sun, smelling spring and for the first time in weeks I’m not under acute pressure. It’s the first day of May of which I daresay I’ll definitely get through it without self-harm, the first day I don’t have to fight for every single breath, the first day I can enjoy without feeling hollow. I am exhausted due to all the fighting but that’s exactly why I manage patting myself on the back. Very often one can’t do anything but endure the tension and not give in to the pressure and wait until suddenly, within seconds, all the grey mist vanishes and it’s possible to think clearly again. With every time I make the experience that I can go through it and that it can get easier without self-harm I can see a little more that I’m making progress.
By the way I want to thank you for all the motivational comments I got 🙂