Fighting

…if I make it for 12 more days I will have been clean for half a year.

What my thoughts should be:

  • Awesome that I’ve made it this long!
  • Nice that the scars are slowly fading.
  • Good to see that it’s possible without self-harm.
  • I daresay I’ll make it for another six months.
  • My therapist will be happy.
  • This is a success.

What my thoughts are:

  • Each day that passes will make the next relapse even worse!
  • If only the scars wouldn’t fade this quickly it would be a little easier.
  • Even though the skills are working fine nothing will ever be like self-harm.
  • I don’t even daresay I’ll get through another single day.
  • What if my therapist thinks I’m not “ill enough” to need her help now?
  • This is not what success feels like.

To everyone here who has some problematic behaviour and a risk of relapse: How do you handle such “jubilee dates”? Do you celebrate, treat youselves? Do you try (just like me) to ignore them if it’s possible? Are you even interested in them? I’m really curious about your opinions…

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2 thoughts on “Fighting

  1. How you feel is totally normal-not just regarding self harm, but about recovery in general, too. If your therapist is worth seeing, she/he will understand that self harm is a side effect of an issue, not the issue itself. You need to remember that recovery is supposed to feel awful-but it is the bravest thing anyone can do. Changing your way of life that has become so oddly “safe” is terrifying. It feels like a pressure-but I think it’s important to take things one day at a time. Wake up in the morning and think “I just need to get through today, that’s all that matters”. Try not to worry about how you feel tomorrow. Carry on trying to stay clean, be proud of yourself, but do not put pressure on yourself too much. If you relapse, it’s sad-but that doesn’t undo all the progress you’ve made so far. You can still be in need of help and support without self harming, that’s extremely important to remember. Stay calm, try not to put too much emphasis on milestones if they’re something that worries you, and have hope. You’ve got this! It’s never going to be easy- but it is always worth it 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for these kind words – they mean a lot to me. You are so right about having to go step by step and everything, I think I’ll just print this comment and stick it to my mirror 🙂
      I’d love to reply something more profound but please know that I mean so much by saying thank you!
      I wish you a great weekend and am incredibly glad to have readers like you!

      Like

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