Oh dear…

I’ve been coping so well these past few weeks, I reckoned I would be okay until the holiday – just today and tomorrow left – but no. Would have been too easy. Today there was one of these tiny little situations that can make everything fall apart within seconds.

Two colleagues stood in front of my desk, blocking my way, looking at me, maybe saying something, I’m not sure. And I just freaked out. I don’t even know exactly what happened but I kind of suddenly left my body, I think I snapped at them, my hands just flapped and ran through my hair and I couldn’t think straight at all. I went outside, had a panic attack and the urge to cut was so overwhelming…it hasn’t been this bad for a long time now – I’m not used to it anymore. How did I cope with this on a daily basis?

I’m just exhausted, tired, unable to concentrate and all I want to do is go home and pull a blanket over my head. Also I’m ashamed I acted that way – I usually manage acting “normally” at work. It’s just really time for a holiday. I’m looking forward to the moment we check in at the hotel so much…

I’m sorry my last pre-holiday post is so depressing…that was not my intention. However, there will be some posts I prepared so that this doesn’t have to be the last one for the whole time. I wish you all a good day – take care!

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