At the moment I’m quite under pressure. I worry a lot, I feel fear and due to that I also want to cut. By now I’ve figured out that fear is the absolute number 1 “reason” to cut for me. Like, I got some bad news at work today, it’s really busy and stressful and frustrating. A few months ago I would’ve thought that I needed to cut in order to function better or keep a cool head. Now I realize that the feeling behind it I actually want to get rid of is fear: Fear of not managing all the tasks, fear of asking for help, fear of failure. And so I talk to myself, saying that it’s gonna be okay. I go running so that the adrenaline level doesn’t stay that high. I take herbal medicine so I can sleep better. It’s new but so far it feels good. I even start to wonder what I could treat myself with if I manage to go a whole year without cutting and that’s a huge thought for me!
The most important reason I’m coping so well is that I know that I’ll be abroad in a very short time and that I will turn off my phone and let other people worry about stupid stuff at work and that it will be so great to have a few days off, just with my partner and the oppurtunity to practice English. I’m looking forward to it so much…I’ll somehow manage the time until my flight finally takes off 🙂