Arrived in such good mood at my therapist’s that it was impossible for the session to get hard and full of problems. It was more a summary of what has already gotten better since November: My emergency skills chain is working, talking to dear people is getting easier, the panic attacks are under control…if it’s continuing to go upwards this fast it’s getting a little scary 🙂
Then we talked a lot about family and relatives, about possible reasons for my having so many versions of myself, about the nomad child I used to be – one week here, one week there and the weekend somewhere else again. About how much I benefit(ed) from it: Independence, flexibility, the ability to sleep anywhere at any time… 🙂
But also about how it might have caused an instability that is not real anymore: Where do I adapt although I don’t have to? Can I actually arrive anywhere? Do I think nothing can ever stay as it is?
It was funny as well, talking about all the little quirks different parts of my family have, nearly like a little comedy show – the people in my family are all wired so differently that my stories sound as if such peculiarities could only come from movies. A carefree hour where we talked about the cause of problems after all but it didn’t feel as hard as usually. Just reflecting: With whom was I able to be carefree as a child? Who experienced adventures with me? Who listened to me? Did I fear anyone?
My homework is to write things down that I experience as constant in myself, that are “absolute” for me, no matter who is with me, what movie I’ve seen and what will happen the next day. Like my preference for pasta. The fact that I’m a bookworm. Or also that turning the Rolling Stones on can never be a mistake in my opinion 🙂
Have a good rest of Sunday!