I find it fascinating how accurately my therapist works towards the proper diagnosis. As I meet 8 out of 9 criteria for BPD and have been diagnosed in the past I reckoned I would only be asked about my symptoms and that the case would be clear very quickly. But all the documents I got so far still mention the “F.60.3 according to ICD-10” only as a suspected diagnosis.I’m still tested, for example for eating disorders (I think it’s funny that this is the one mental illness that has been suspected a lot in my life, even by school doctors although I never showed tendencies in that direction), other personality disorders and even disorders that don’t yet exist according to ICD-10 (or DSM-5) – at the moment we are trying to find out if my symptoms fit the officially not yet existing diagnosis of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have to say I can’t relate to this so much as the criteria I meet are covered by the BPD-diagnosis and I hardly ever have flashbacks or nightmares. Apart from the fact that I still refuse to call what I experienced trauma on most days.
Above all I think it’s good to know that my therapist is so careful, doesn’t jump to conclusions and I feel safer when I have to face those people who say that “this can’t be true”, that I “only imagine it” and that “everything’s just fine after all” – after such a painstakingly made diagnosis there will be no doubt left. In order to prevent critical comments: This does not mean I only identify myself with my diagnosis or get caught up in something but it is easier to talk about things when you have secured vocabulary for them.
Once again I can’t avoid comparing this experience with my last therapy. Back then I got the diagnosis “BPD” after a 45-minute conversation and it was presented as an undeniable fact. In the end the diagnosis wasn’t wrong but now that I see what a diagnostic process can be like I wonder how many chance hits there are in such cases.
Today I also sent the application for authorisation to public health insurance. The little mean voice in my head is convinced that I did something wrong, sent it too lately or didn’t send the correct documents but now that the letter is gone I answer that nothing can be done now except for waiting.
In any case it’s funny to see how many sheets, forms and leaflets already have accumulated in the few weeks I’ve been in therapy now – as happy as I am with my binders, I already realize I should have bought bigger ones 😀