Lots of paperwork today. I like paper.
Got new Diary Cards for the following weeks. Also sheets for documenting how my stress level changes in the course of each day so that I can observe myself better. I’m also supposed to just try different skills from a list in order to find out what could help me when my stress level rises. For example I already know that my Autogenic Training can help a lot but only if I do it in time. From a certain point on it doesn’t help though. Things like this are what I have to observe and take notes about.
I also got an empty behaviour analysis to fill out in case problematic behaviour occurs. That means I have to observe what happened before, what made me vulnerable, what I did and what other options I could have used. My therapist said I could also use this even before I actually self-harm just to see what the triggers are.
Then we talked about the therapy contract for a long time but haven’t signed it yet. I’m grateful for the fact that she always values my concerns and that there are always options I can live with. For example I felt huge pressure as the draft says I have to talk to family/friends in a crisis. I know this would be incredibly hard if not impossible for me. That’s why we made a plan B with the option of having contact via email (when stress level is still manageable) or scheduled phone calls (in emergencies). Furthermore I have to find a psychiatrist and talk to them – not in order to get meds in general but just so that there is another contact person in case of emergency. I’ll also get a list with crisis numbers – as far as I know myself I guess that calling one of them can be easier than talking to someone I care about. We will still work on the contract but the way we changed it today made it more likeable for me 🙂
I feel that there’s already so much going on inside me whilst doing all this “preparations” that I can’t wait for therapy to “really start”. My therapist mentions all kinds of interesting things she wants to try with me and talk about. I’ve never felt so safe and taken seriously with my symptoms and I try to absorb everything.
Habe a nice weekend!