Somehow somewhere else

Yesterday was lovely – this weekend felt really long, I actually had time to simply do what I wanted 🙂

Nevertheless I’m quite out of it today. I wouldn’t say I’m unwell, I’m just not really present. I tell my colleagues I’m confused, they think my clumsiness is funny.

I board the train and see the city pass by as if I wasn’t a part of it. Can the other people see me?
I stand in the queue at the bakery and the people behind me feel like a huge mass that puts pressure on me and judges me.
I enter the office and collide with several objects because I don’t feel too much of my body.
I let cold water run over my hands, try to smell my food, drink my tea and make an effort to realize that this is reality. Maybe going running in the evening will help me get back.
I read the news and know what my reaction ought to be…and yet I wonder what all this has to do with me, if this is actually happening in my world.
I feel as if my reactions are too slow, as if I was underwater. At the same time I wonder if others notice it.

A friend who tried to understand this state has once assumed quite accurately that it must be like a massive lack of sleep…just without being tired. It’s strange.

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