Today I had my first appointment with my new therapist. Last night was not a good one – I’m not sure whether I was sick due to being nervous and then got a panic attack or whether it was just coincidence and I ate something wrong and then panicked. Fact is I didn’t sleep much, spent quite some time in the bathroom and didn’t feel all too well in the morning.
Surprisingly I didn’t get lost on my way to her office (my sense of direction is not the best). The second good sign was that the little radio in the waiting area played a song that has helped me through a very hard time in the past. I had to wait for a few minutes before I could go in – I felt very nervous but somehow it was okay.
Her office is very nice – warm and light with some cozy chairs. She has a calm, pleasant way of speaking and I found it easy to talk to her. In fact I was surprised about how much I told her even though this was just our first meeting. Of course we only spoke about all the basics – when did I get my diagnosis, do I have siblings, where do I live and so on. She explained about the paperwork for public health insurance; fortunately, these things were not new to me. Then she told me about her method of working – she said for me she would like to mix schema therapy (which sounds great and useful and interesting to me) with classic skills training. What made me feel very safe was that she asked if there was anything I wish she could do and my last therapist hasn’t. When I told her I just wanted to sit and talk whilst being able to look her in the eyes she even laughed – apparently we both aren’t fans of this classic “Freud-couch-thing” so I won’t have to worry about that. She told me she might also give me questionaires to fill out from time to time which I think is a wonderful idea – for some reason I really love questionaires 😀
All in all I think it went as well as a first appointment can – she explained everything to me in an efficient and concise way whilst taking time to listen no matter how much I had to say about a topic. I felt safe in her office and she didn’t judge me. Above all, I didn’t dissociate and could feel my hands all through the conversation (which rarely happens when I have to talk to someone about difficult things that make me nervous).
I’m glad it’s over now as the last few days were quite difficult – I don’t even know what I was afraid of but right now is the first time this week where my heart isn’t beating much too fast…
She wanted me to take some time to think about everything and then tell her whether I want to work with her – that’s nice but I’ve already made my mind up. So if she doesn’t have any objections, my Saturday mornings will be occupied from now on.
Oh and by the way – thanks for the many kind comments concering my last post. It helped a lot to read about your experiences and I want to tell her about my blog…not as quickly as possible but at some point…
Have a good weekend everyone.