Nervous

Just one more week until my first appointment with my new therapist. So far we’ve only written emails so I don’t even know what her voice might sound like. I’m mega-nervous. Much more so then when I started my first therapy. Back then I was so desperate that I only wanted someone, really anyone to help me. I didn’t think twice about reasons to be nervous, I just was glad about this little light in all the darkness.

This time it’s different. I’m coping. I’m not desperate. I just really want to change some things, tackle some topics, get answers to some questions. And I know that what I did and said last time will not be enough now. I will really have to talk about the things I’ve never ever talked about. I will have to open up, get out of my comfort zone and therefore risk a lot. I’m not sure I know how to do that but I see this therapy place as a huge chance – I don’t want to fuck it up. I want to rock it. If I don’t have the strength now I don’t know if I ever will. Even if my therapy hasn’t even started, I’m already thinking about it a lot – I try to prepare myself without knowing how to do that. I’m scared that I’ll stir a lot of things up that are dormant somewhere deep down right now. I’m also aware that’s kind of what therapy is about and I guess if I’d be totally cool with this stuff I wouldn’t need therapy anyway 🙂

Fingers crossed…

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4 thoughts on “Nervous

  1. Hey, I understand your anxiety about it completely. It’s 100% normal to be worried about it-it’s a big thing. As you said, it’s a risk. Even though you’re living with things that are getting to you at times, the idea of bringing them into the open-even if it ends up helping-is even more scary. But it’s actually one of the bravest things that a person can do. Just take it step-by-step x

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