It hurts

One of those times where I can’t really tell if I’m okay: I had a wonderful weekend with people I like, I’m looking forward to my oncoming holiday, I get positive news and have pleasant conversations on the phone. And nevertheless, something hurts. I don’t feel depressed, getting up and doing things is not the problem; there just is a hole in my chest. Lots of memories come up – things I never was angry about which (once again? still?) make breathing hard years after they happened. Things in books that show me that it’s not weak to struggle with the past for a long time. Things I never grieved about.

My old therapist once said that difficult memories surface when we have the strength to cope with them so this might be a positive sign. A few days ago I worried whether I would have anything to tell my new therapist. Today I know that there is enough and that it’s deeper than ever before.

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10 thoughts on “It hurts

      1. Yes I haven’t had time to properly work on my blog. I have been released from therapy and my BPD is partly in remission. Still, I have a long way to go. I hope to go and study psychology in order to aid others with mental vulnerabilities somewhere along the line.

        I, once again, think you paint a perfect image of recognisable feelings, using just few words. Feelings of emptiness are always tough. I know them all too well. Usually they just pass. I’ll be blogging again from now on.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hey that sounds really great, congrats! Studying psychology sure is interesting 🙂
        And thank you so much – I’m looking forward to new blogposts from you!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I still have a long way to go. I hope to find a way to study psychology to help others with mental vulnerabilities somewhere along the line.

    Once again you use few words to describe an all too familiar feeling. I often experience those feelings of emptiness. Usually they just pass.

    I’ll be blogging more steadily from now on!

    Liked by 1 person

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