Good news?

Especially when you’re known as someone who divides the world into black and white, you’re aware that everything can be seen from different points of view. This is why I made a list with things that can be positive about a mental illness (and tried to go without too much sarcasm):

  • I am more sympathetic than many other people – when someone doesn’t call for a long time or acts in a depressed or confused way I assume that there’s a reason for it and it rather sets my antennae quivering than it makes me blame the person.
  • I consciously enjoy the good days – with this I don’t want to imply that healthy people don’t do that but since I’ve learned just how dark it can get inside me I don’t simply enjoy chocolate and sunshine but also the fact that it is a time when I can enjoy anything.
  • I know myself pretty well – even though I feel I don’t know who I am most of the time I sure have spent more time watching myself and my reactions than your average person next door.
  • I learned to (sometimes) care for myself – since the last terrible low I’ve slowly realized that I need breaks, have to find time for them and, if necessary, fight for them because I don’t want to contribute to another breakdown. I had to learn that the hard way…
  • It’s never boring – there is no other option than taking it day by day.
  • Where there’s black, there’s also white – yes I know, as a borderline I am a manipulative monster who leaves wreckages where there’ve been relationships…but on the other hand many people have enjoyed being the hub of my world when I rejoiced like a child. That is also a part of it and everyone who wants only this is unfair.
  • I can busy myself with a rubber band for hours – yeah truly, which “normal” human being who has never had the oppurtunity to attend skill trainings can say that about him*herself ;)?
  • I am grateful – I have tried many of the adventures I wanted to experience and realized they’re not good for me. Now I am grateful for something that might look like boredom because I understood that the things that make me feel stable, if not happy, can be very plain ones. The word “humble” is used in many ways I don’t like but it also describes what I mean here.
  • I learned to accept help – that was a tough one!
  • I have a name for being “different” – prior to my diagnosis everything was difficult and strange. Now it sometimes still is but at least I can explain it better.

…looking forward to additions πŸ™‚

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