Especially when you’re known as someone who divides the world into black and white, you’re aware that everything can be seen from different points of view. This is why I made a list with things that can be positive about a mental illness (and tried to go without too much sarcasm):
- I am more sympathetic than many other people – when someone doesn’t call for a long time or acts in a depressed or confused way I assume that there’s a reason for it and it rather sets my antennae quivering than it makes me blame the person.
- I consciously enjoy the good days – with this I don’t want to imply that healthy people don’t do that but since I’ve learned just how dark it can get inside me I don’t simply enjoy chocolate and sunshine but also the fact that it is a time when I can enjoy anything.
- I know myself pretty well – even though I feel I don’t know who I am most of the time I sure have spent more time watching myself and my reactions than your average person next door.
- I learned to (sometimes) care for myself – since the last terrible low I’ve slowly realized that I need breaks, have to find time for them and, if necessary, fight for them because I don’t want to contribute to another breakdown. I had to learn that the hard way…
- It’s never boring – there is no other option than taking it day by day.
- Where there’s black, there’s also white – yes I know, as a borderline I am a manipulative monster who leaves wreckages where there’ve been relationships…but on the other hand many people have enjoyed being the hub of my world when I rejoiced like a child. That is also a part of it and everyone who wants only this is unfair.
- I can busy myself with a rubber band for hours – yeah truly, which “normal” human being who has never had the oppurtunity to attend skill trainings can say that about him*herself ;)?
- I am grateful – I have tried many of the adventures I wanted to experience and realized they’re not good for me. Now I am grateful for something that might look like boredom because I understood that the things that make me feel stable, if not happy, can be very plain ones. The word “humble” is used in many ways I don’t like but it also describes what I mean here.
- I learned to accept help – that was a tough one!
- I have a name for being “different” – prior to my diagnosis everything was difficult and strange. Now it sometimes still is but at least I can explain it better.
…looking forward to additions 🙂