Somebody once told me (and I have no idea if it’s true – I couldn’t find any information in a language that I understand) that people with BPD are called “children of the sun” in some languages.
That totally makes sense – after all, we’re well-known for our sunny natures (end of sarcasm :))
Probably the true explanation is that we tend to have fixations on certain people whom we can circle around just like the earth circles around the sun. Like I said, I don’t know if there is any evidence to this story and if other borderlines also experience this “orbit thing” but the phrase definitely struck a chord with me.
Even as a child I basically always focussed on one person at a time and this didn’t really get better. I think it’s due to the classic borderline idealization of people/situations/whatever which can be very strong at the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes I’ve frightened people with this intensity, others thought there was more that there actually was. I was either hurt or felt crushed and have often realized that it’s harmful when my life is all about circling around a “sun” when it was already too late. This fixation might also explain the huge fear of abandonment I feel: It’s logical that my little world would simply break if its point of focus was gone.
Now it is very easily said that one should build life on many pillars in order to stay stable if one of them breaks. I know that, we all know it and yet actually doing it is a difficult thing – when I see a person as my sun, it shines so brightly that everything else feels rather feeble and as much as I try to tell myself that no one will leave me if I concentrate on other people for a while, I can never really believe so.
The way I’m acting here is something I’ve only realized in the very recent past which makes me hope that I can do something about it now that I notice it. Until then I think that “child of the sun” is a much nicer term than many others that were created for us “disordered” people 🙂
PS: If anyone knows something about the phrase’s origin (after all this could well be complete nonsense in every language that exists) I would love to read an explanation in the comments!