November 2014

Part 3 in a series about the time between my diagnosis and the start of this blog. Notes from my “Loose-screw-logbook”, the predecessor of my blog.

  • Work only 3 days/week now
  • Much love for my birthday, from favourite people but also from unexpected ones
  • Topics in therapy: Lightheartedness, being less strict with myself, I talk about incidents with a realtive and can’t believe how clearly my therapist calls this abuse and how she tells me I’ll be a victim for as long as I cut!
  • Meds: Only a quarte tablet/day. My birthday is the first day without any
  • A weekend alone, life-changing news and a nightmare of my relative are too much for me – I cut for the first time in ages. I don’t feel anything. Red tears.
  • Meds are gone
  • Terrible week: A couple of family parties, panic attacks, cigarettes and alocohol, crying fit at work, landlord comes into my flat with wife and 3 (!) little children who throw my books around, renovation of my kitchen, I am all run down!
  • Am told that I can move in with my partner in 2015 and can hardly beliebe it
  • Therapy: No progress concerning anger. Dissociate, am scared, have nightmares. Therapist says I should only contact people who are good for me at the moment.
  • Contact a BPD-study in Germany, possible participation in 2015

This time was one of the lowest lows in my life, to this day I can’t say much more about it.

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