October 2014

Part 2 in a series about the time between my diagnosis and the start of this blog. Notes from my “Loose-screw-logbook”, the predecessor of my blog.

  • Extremely tired in the evenings but less thoughts of suicide. Decide to reduce working hours by November. This means that I’ll also lose my position as team leader.
  • Dose of Escitalopram increased to 10mg/day
  • Topics in therapy: Fear of abandonment, devaluation, skills, black-and-white-thinking, inhibition when it comes to letting anger out, talking about what’s hurting me, possibility of a pet
  • Appointment with second doctor OK, insurance pays for therapy
  • Increased dose of meds doesn’t work for me: Feel “remote-controlled”, sedated, have nightmares which I confuse with real events, feel completely confused. Decide to reduce meds again and then slowly stop taking them. Want to try it “just” with therapy
  • Dizziness due to reduction of meds (despite step-by-step reduction) but at least I feel like myself again

I know that the support I felt from my therapist was like a light in all the darkness for me at that time. It was a feeling of just going on somehow without knowing where I wanted to go. The only thing that was clear was that I couldn’t continue the way everything had been before…

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