Everything I never wanted

A few days ago I created one of those lists that show things that are good for me, give me some stability and lead to my having my pretty little head under control as well as hardly ever before. I came to the conclusion that my list consists mostly of things of which I said I would never want them a few years ago such as:

Sharing a flat with someone else.
Having a long-term relationship.
A job with fixed working hours.
A diary that’s nearly empty when everything goes according to plan.
Eight hours sleep every night – and always in the same bed as well.
People I talk to when I don’t feel fine.
The possibility of a new therapist I’ll get to know soon.
A blog.

I think that’s rather curios as my plan for life was more about tramping around with a tent, not staying at a job for more than a year, refusing to use the internet and of course, doing all that completely on my own. I tried many of these things and found out that I’m not made for them. In order to make my head go quiet I obviously have to live in the most stuffy way I’m capable of so that I can cope with BPD’s ups and downs better. I see how wonderful many things can be – although I never wanted them. One could say life forced a lot of benefit on me 🙂


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