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Already I start feeling autumnal. In need of cuddly blankets and anxious, thin-skinned and worried. It’s not like I’m really unwell but everything feels like a huge challenge these days; the appointment tomorrow makes me feel queasy although the worst turmoil is over by now. This strong back and forth between feeling safe with my family now and being disappointed by the past is now reduced to a constant buzz inside my head. Somehow I’ve landed in my own little bubble, sealed off from the rest of the world – rather inside my books than in reality. I try not to think about the weeks that lie ahead too much and to take it step by step. The long weekend will be good for me.

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