Self-harm/Self-care

At the moment the urge to hurt myself isn’t constantly present but if it is, it’s very intense. It varies from day to day, from hour to hour. Sometimes I don’t even think about cutting, sometimes I take the knife into my hands and can hardly prevent myself from doing it. As I have been told how important it is to care for and even pamper myself I started taking notes as to what influences the pressure I feel. Some of these things are pretty obvious (which doesn’t mean I’m always aware of them) and some came as a surprise. So here’s my list of things that can increase the urge to cut:

  • Too little sleep (increases emptiness and dissociation)
  • Drinking alcohol (very alarming consequences at the moment, sleeping can be the only way to stop alcohol-induced urge to cut, has not always been that way which is a pity as I sometimes really enjoy cocktails…)
  • Having to work under time pressure (stresses me out so much that I feel the need to concentrate in this sharp way you have after cutting)
  • Too little time at home (need to calm down, have everything in order and stroke the cat)
  • Too little/much time on my own (whatever the right amount might be…)
  • Appointments with authorities (huuuuge trigger)
  • Contact with certain people
  • Too little sex/exercise (feeling the body is always a good thing ;)))
  • Too few proper meals (tasting and smelling aren’t always possible but if they are, they are great)
  • Spending too much time in shops/malls (although I used to work in shops for a long time…)
  • Making mistakes (feel very bad when I screw up)
  • Cutting scenes in movies (including scalpels in hospital series,…)
  • Anger (can’t let it out, have to keep it in, have to do something with it…)
  • Not listening to music (took me a long time to realize that music’s not just something I enjoy but something that can cause damage if it’s not in my life)
  • Scars fading (probably sound ridiculous if you don’t self-harm but increases the pressure for many of us who do…)

I’ll probably find even more things and maybe I should make a list with activities that can release the pressure but I found it really helpful to see these triggers summarised – I just love lists I guess and this one might even help me to avoid some triggers I don’t usually notice. If that’s not self-care I don’t know what is 😀

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