Under pressure

…and once again my thoughts are all about self-harm. I’m angry about that because I’m really fine at the moment. I can understand it when I’m down, when I’m stressed out or something bad has happened. But at the moment everything’s fine. I feel alive, I’m happy about the sun, I’m productive at work and I only have nice things to do in my free time. And yet…like an addiction, because it has been too long, it’s nagging on me as if I wanted to feel myself even more when I’m fine. As if it was a compulsion that doesn’t have anything to do with my current wellbeing. As if I didn’t intend to wear shorts in summer without people asking questions.

As if there was a part of me that needs to see the blood to be satisfied.

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