Stopping all the thoughts

Inspired by a conversation I had this weekend I’m thinking about the importance of not thinking too much…irony 😀
Not to look into things that trigger or scare you can be a very important part of caring for yourself. I had to learn that the hard way, after all it’s possible to torture oneself to death just with thoughts. Deciding not to deal with ceratin things (at the moment) doesn’t have anything to do with suppresion, especially not if it is a decision to think about particular matters for only a specific amount of time and then stop because there is no point in brooding all day long.

Brooding…one of those things we do when depression and fear have us in their grip. When I’m in an especially dramatic mood I tend to wonder how we know that we’re alive and then I want to know just when exactly a cluster of molecules starts being a living thing…and then I see how terribly insignificant my little existence is and within minutes I get to the point of telling myself that it wouldn’t make any difference if I ended my life right now. In such a case thinking and reflecting and philosophizing doesn’t help but just contributes to a downward spiral. Today I say STOP if thoughts like that come up. Because they only bring sorrow and helplessness with them.

Another example is that I often refused to give my body certain things because my weird head told me I didn’t deserve them. Not concerning food but other things like medicine, warmth or simply hand cream when I was working outside in winter. I always calculated whether I was good enough to allow myself these things and my nagging self-hatred told me no. No, I couldn’t give myself the most simple things because in my eyes I was worth less than the dirt under my fingernails.
So what everyone tells me to learn is to see that I’m worth it. Loving myself, standing in front of a mirror telling myself “Hey, you are worth this and much, much more!”. I’m not there yet. And if I wait for it, it could take years and decades in which I’d still harm my body one way or another.
My tactic is not to think about it as mentioned above. I decide not to answer the question “Are you worth this?”. Because most times, I’d still answer it with “No!”. Instead, I appeal to my right to remain silent and give my body what it needs. Because even if I don’t think I deserve it, it’s good for me. And I feel better. And the toughts are a little quieter.

This principle works for fears, for needs in relationships and many other things. I stick to deals with myself such as not to think about certain topics more than ten minutes a day or not at all, in certain situations. Since I started using this method I’ve been feeling better. I used to believe in solving all my problems by thinking about them. Today I’m certain that thinking less can be the better option quite often (and please don’t use it when it comes to elections or similar things ;))

With this in mind, I wish you a pleasant, thought-free evening!

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