Pretty little head goes crazy

Well, today is one of these days where I’m sure nobody could grasp what I say if I honestly answered the question “How are you?”. Because all in all I’m fine. Everything’s okay. A strange cheerfulness carries me through the day or maybe I’m just glad that it’s weekend and that it rained (hayfever is bad this year). But at the same time I have these weird flaring thoughts and feelings out of the blue all the time. I can’t grasp them, they’re quite like flashbacks but they’re not memories. It goes like this every two minutes:

“Today’s such a nice day”
“I feel this huge, diffuse fear”
“I have to grin all the time”
“It would be a great idea to cut into my thigh real deeply”
“Everything’s so sad”
“This weekend I’ll really pamper myself”
“I just want to hide somewhere”
“I have such a great life”
“But what if I lose it all…”

Reading this it sounds like mood swings but that’s not what it is because I don’t actually feel it, it just flares up and is gone again and apart from it I’m perfectly calm and happy. It’s also not that I’m empty or depersonalized, I am completely here. I’ll just file it under “simply weird” and not think about it too much.

And to you, dear reader I wish you a nice weekend 🙂

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