“Why didn’t you ask for help much earlier?”

…you may question.
“I don’t know!”, I answer.

Because the darkness came slowly. Because I thought it was puberty and lovesickness and the weather. Because others were worse. Because I still managed to accomplish my goals better that average people. Because I didn’t know how to explain. Because I thought everyone felt like that and just didn’t say so. Because I wanted to believe it would be over soon. Because I told myself there was no reason for it. Because I didn’t want to be a wuss. Because I reckoned a little peace and quiet might solve the problem. Because I was scared of losing the few people I had. Because I feared not seeing a bottom when looking into this huge black hole. Because I was in control as long as I could cut and sleep. Because the sun was still shining.

“Because…oh well, I don’t know!”, I answer.

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