Today you’re silent enough for me to think. Most of the time you turn my head’s volume up until I can’t hear what I am actually thinking. No offence but you’re terribly attention-grabbing. And you make me behave like that too – we both want to be heard all the time. We just believe in ourselves when someone hears us, you tell me that I don’t know who I am until I believe you. You can be a raging tyrant, it’s horrible to feel your anger and see myself following this fury blindly.
You can also be tender and vulnerable but only when you’re afraid of losing someone. I hate you for making me cry like a little child when I feel this fear and you let me think that I’ll vanish as soon as I’m alone with you.
But fortunately you taught me how to make people like me. Borderline, you tempting whore, nobody can teach how to dress up as well as you can. And all that just to allow you watching me destroy myself in the end.
And sometimes you want to keep me all to yourself and you wrap my thoughts and cast a cloud over my perception. Who needs a body to feel and one’s wits about one for reality when you’re there?
But even if you keep manipulating me and turn me into a person I don’t want to be we have to deal with each other. I will try to answer all you negative impulses with affection for myself – after all you are a part of me and if I treat myself well you’ll have to see that none of us are worthless. BPD, this will be a huge fight but I can’t let you take even more of my life.