Yesterday I had my first Yoga lesson after a very long break. I used to be really flexible and therefore I’ve always found most positions quite easy to manage. As I haven’t practiced in ages everything was a little tougher than it used to be but all in all I’ve never enjoyed a lesson as much as the one yesterday.
First of all, I actually could feel my body. That wasn’t always the case. Moving in a dissociated state might help some people “coming back” but it has never really worked for me. So now that I can feel what’s happening in my body I can appreciate just how good I felt in and after the lesson.
But what’s even more important: I dare breathing now. I always used to hold my breath whenever something was straining as I didn’t want to make any noise. When I’m not well I still do that, for example when I’m climbing stairs. But as breathing is crucial in yoga I’m really glad that I just did it yesterday without giving it too much thought.
Also I’m able to calm down and relax much better than I used to, at least when I’m not too triggered or anything.
What made me a little sad though is that yoga did me a world of good yesterday but only so because I was quite well already. There were times when I could have used this relaxation and being in my body even more but it just didn’t sink in at the time, I couldn’t get myself into it when I would have needed it most. So I’m going to keep practicing but I’m afraid that again it won’t work in darker times…