Thanks to everyone who wished me a nice holiday – I definitely had that! For me, it was not just a holiday from daily routine but also one from my “loose screw”. Far away from everything, just me and my partner and the sun. No internet that bombards me, no newspaper that tells me about terrible things. No ringing phone, no people who ask personal questions, no appointments.
Sure, I’m not cured just because I clear off to Cuba for a few days but one and a half panic attacks in two weeks is really good, especially keeping in mind that one happened when the captain announced heavy turbulences – I’m really scared of flying. And it’s just a fact that I will always be a little more anxious than other people (like my beautifully relaxed partner). But I was “here” the whole time, meaning I was never so triggered that I had to leave my body and reality and that’s a huge success!
And then there was the sea…I just can’t find word to tell what the sea means to me. When I can hear the waves rumble I can breathe twice as well as usually and when I dig my toes into the sand I always think that everything’s just fine. This feeling gives me so much strength and optimism and recreation that no panic attack in the world is a big deal. And honestly, why would I cut if I can swim in the salty water instead :)?