Once more I had one of these moments where you realize that you might actually be what people call crazy. I’m alright with my urge to cut when I’m unable to cope with something, angry, empty or scared. What I’m not alright with is that I think about cutting when I’m happy quite often. I mean, what the hell? Cutting is supposed to be an emergency coping strategy – probably not a good one but hey, when I’m really bad and it’s the only thing that works I can live with it.
But these weird moments where I’m really happy about something, for example when I was nervous and then something really awesome happens and I’m hugely relieved…that’s not the kind of moment in which I want my first thought to be: Oh my god, this feeling’s so strong, I have to get a blade immediately! Mind you, I’ve never actually cut in one of these “happy flashes” but the mere thought is really confusing for me. I don’t like it at all.
To all those who are familiar with self-harm: Do you know that too? I’ve never read about it so I’m really interested in other peoples’ experiences here.
Happy, cut-free day to all of you 🙂