I hate it.

Today is one of those days:

Getting up – feeling tired.

Seeing mess – getting angry.

Getting mad – feeling guilty.

Function – Panic attack.

Shaking and hyperventilating – feeling incredibly tired.

Not really being there – making mistakes.

Correcting mistakes – feeling even more tired.

Feeling so tired – time for the weekend.

…eat, sleep, freak, repeat.

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8 thoughts on “I hate it.

    1. I know, I can only try to extend the good times…although I love this quote by Vivian Greene that says “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass – it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
      Thanks for your sympathy.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. True. The best thing to do is to slow down and look into your mind deeply. Changing your mindset changes the way you perceive problems. If you don’t recognise them as problems, problems don’t exist. That’s the theory. Applying it can be hard for people without BPD. BPD makes it more of a challenge. And changing your mindset is not done in one day, it is a journey. The Buddha compared it to a smith who is purifying silver by removing small impurities one at a time. Days like these are the perfect days to ring that anvil and hammer another impurity out. But first let the fire die down a bit, or you’ll burn your fingers.

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    1. I know these things, they are so wise and true. And on good days I am even able to feel them. But like you said, it’s hard work. I’m getting better and better at extending the times in which I feel at peace with what I am and what happens around me. But sometimes, the knockbacks are so bad I feel as if I didn’t make any progress at all – which of course isn’t true, so much changed already…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s perfectly recognisable. Just take it easy today. Just ride out the storm and try to dance on the deck in the rain?

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  2. I know how you feel! Just keep going through the motions, sometimes its all you can do for a while.

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