A few days ago I mentioned that I wrote a letter to a relative of mine in which I confronted him with some memories that I have to struggle with on a daily basis. His reaction, or rather his wife’s reaction was that I am crazy and shouldn’t pretend that he is a sex monster (which I didn’t, interesting how they seem to find these things even worse than I do). Anyway, in the meantime everything calmed down (as was to be expected) and we even seem to get to a point where the whole family is able to discuss things in an appreciative way that doesn’t look for someone to blame (which I hoped but really didn’t expect).
I am so glad I did this. First of all because I don’t have to please anyone anymore and nobody expects me to smile when actually I want to throw up. I finally don’t have to hug or kiss somebody if I don’t want to, and yes, I know it’s sad when a 23-year old is happy about something like that. Anyway, I feel freed from a burden.
Secondly, I think it’s good for our whole family. People who have been bottling things up for years suddenly begin to speak and even if much of the things we have to say hurt, we all now have the chance to start on a better basis than before.
My relatives called me and told me they feel helpless and insecure. And with this honest statement I feel enabled to speak, to look for new ways of spending time, I feel able to grow and breathe and I guess I am not the only one who will benefit from this in the end.
Thanks to everyone who helped me getting to this point.