For a few months, I have been, and am so happy in my office job – I could write whole articles about how much I enjoy sitting at my clean desk every day. Yesterday though, I worked at a fair in order to inform people about working for my organisation. And as it was the first time in a longer period that I had to face such a huge amount of people, I finally realized, what is so good about the office job and what is/ was hard about all the other jobs before.
To make that clear at the beginning: I don’t have a problem with crowds in general; I like going to concerts, I enjoy the anonymity of a large city, I don’t panic automatically when I’m with a lot of other people. In contrast, I do have a problem when I have to interact with those people, like at the fair yesterday. I am good at what I’m doing – the years of selling things and fundraising have taught me what I have to do to make people enjoy listening to me. I am charming and polite, I make them laugh and inform them. I smile at everyone who spits and kicks at me verbally and I never let them see that I’d prefer to be invisible. And that is the point: I do what my instincts tell me not to do all the time. My first impulse when I have to face (not always the friendliest) strangers is to fold my arms – obviously I don’t do that, selling works better with an open posture. I am suspicious if I don’t know somebody, I like to see their reactions. Instead, I smile at them and do everything to make them like me…just to give them a good impression. It is manipulation und I am good at it if I have the energy. I know that’s an unpopular statement but I am good at manipulating people – and so happy that I don’t have to do it any more! In the office I don’t have so invite people to take all my energy by having an open posture all the time. I don’t have to smile at my computer if I don’t want to and above all, I don’t have to talk to strangers until the next panic attack is due. It’s not even about the unfriendly people, the nice ones don’t make a real difference, it’s still energy that I lose. I hope, I will never have to play the role of your favourite shop assistant ever again.