Unexpected triggers

Sometimes my life feels like a minefield. As I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my condition and about how to deal with it better, I also had to think about triggers. And there are a lot of them: Certain words, phrases, songs or even gestures can make me feel uncomfortable or even severely distressed. What really, really triggers me though, are scenes in movies where people harm themselves. If I watch a documentary about self-harm, I am obviously prepared and I only watch films like that when I’m in a good condition. But sometimes, scenes that include cutting come out of nowhere, like unexpected hits in the face. I don’t mean surgeries in movies about hospitals but scenes where people actually cut themselves out of different reasons. It’s incredibly triggering for me and it has happened quite often already…

For this reason, I feel as if I had to be constantly vigilant, which of course most borderliners are anyway but this doesn’t really help. I mean, if I want to watch a love movie I am just not prepared for cutting scenes. Or if I watch a comic adaption of which I know that the original contains violence, I am prepared for lots of blood…but not for self-harm. I don’t want to be taken by surprise so watching movies that I don’t know always feels a little risky.

Nevertheless, I am not one for trigger warnings because I guess that every song, movie, book,.. would have to carry loads of them for different people with different conditions: trigger warnings about cutting for borderliners, trigger warnings about hair tearing for people with trichotillomania and so forth and so on. That would make the whole world seem dangerous and I don’t think more fear is what we need. So constant vigilance it is – I don’t want to cut because of a movie ever again…

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