BPD and relationships

If you have read about BPD a little, you probably know that  it is very difficult for borderliners to have stable relationships due to impulsive behaviour, problems with closeness and distance and extreme emotions.

I am extremely grateful that my partner seems to cope quite well with all my little peculiarities. What makes me very angry though, is the way that media sometimes deals with borderliners: You can find lots of scary accounts about how terrible it is to date someone who has BPD – there are ex-partners who write about people with that condition as if we all were monsters.

Yes, I know that we can act completely unpredictable, be difficult to handle, I know that fits of rage on a daily basis can be annoying and I see that nobody wants to be asked “Will you please, please stay with me forever?”, only to be shouted at a few minutes later.

BUT: I know borderliners (including myself) who manage to have functioning realtionships – it only takes a lot of discipline, love and patience from both sides. For example, I ask my partner if he wants to leave me about three or four times an hour. Somebody else might be annoyed by that and feel overwhelmed by my clinginess. My partner understands that I am seriously afraid that he could leave me, so he tells me that everything’s OK – over and over and over again. Might be that I’ll never believe it but at least I feel safer that way. Security and stability can help borderliners a lot!

On the other hand, I have to control myself immensly when I get angry about something. When I am angry with somebody, I turn really cold towards that person, I won’t shout, I will just let them know that they are completely worthless which is probably even worse than yelling at them. So when I get angry with my partner, I have to leave the room in time. Usually, I am able to talk about things in a more constructive way quite a short time later (a nice thing about mood swings :)).

I don’t really know what I intend to tell you with this text, I guess I just want to show that borderliners are able to love (and yes, there are lots of people who think we can’t), that we don’t spend 24 hours a day trying to ruin somebody and that we are only manipulative because we are scared or confused or whatever…not because we are evil.

So to all the awesome understanding partners of borderliners who struggle with us every day – you rock!

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